Surrounded by cancer...by choice

For a little over a year I have worked in a pediatric hematology oncology clinic, supporting the parents of children in treatment.  Almost on a weekly basis someone finds out what I do for work and just after the obligatory horrified look, they ask "How in the world can you work there?".  I tend to hear this question and smile humbly (I hope I look humble), and then try to deduce the meaning behind the question.  Typically, if I'm speaking with someone who knows of my own history with cancer, they are genuinely curious about why I would choose to stay surrounded by cancer.  Those poor individuals who do not know my history honestly seem to feel sorry for my choice of work.  They are thrilled that someone is willing to work with pediatric cancer and the families affected by it, but they "know" that person could never be them. 

So, after being asked, once again, this past Thursday about how I could possibly choose to stay in the cancer world, I spent some time thinking about it.  (This is not a new topic for my poor little brain and is often a topic that seems to come up when I'm trying to sleep!).  Why do I surround myself with cancer? Would it be "healthier" to go back to teaching or perhaps a whole new profession? Is it even a choice for me to work in cancer?

Here are the answers that I've thought of most recently:

I surround myself with cancer because it feels right. 
I surround myself with cancer because when you have cancer you meet other people with cancer. 
I surround myself with cancer because I would be surrounded by it even if I buried my head in the sand.
I surround myself with cancer because my story provides hope to other patients and their families.
I surround myself with cancer because I know what fear does to a person and perhaps I can help someone else breath through that fear.
I surround myself with cancer because tomorrow is not promised but today I can't provide a shoulder to cry on, a cup of hot coffee, or a joke to ease the tension.
I surround myself with cancer because I can.


A sincere thank you to the patients and families that have allowed me into their lives during the most difficult of times.