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Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Strength

Where to begin...

It is a beautiful Tuesday afternoon and I am sitting here trying to find the right words.  Yesterday, an article about me appeared on the Ladies Home Journal website, and today it can be found in the magazine on store shelves.  This was not a surprise.  I was an integral part in the writing and producing of this particular story and new what days to look for it in print.  I know the story inside and out and understood that it would become public in  a way that I haven't experienced before.  What I didn't know was that it would make me weak in the knees to see and read. 

I have lived the diagnosis.  I have lived the chemotherapy.  I have lived the transplant.  Above all I have lived the fear and the joy.  But to see it in print....is a whole other ballgame!  As I read the story yesterday I found myself repeating over and over "oh, shit" as I was reminded of the horror.  I looked at the pictures that accompany the article to be sure that it was really me.   I read and reread and reread.  And then I cried. 

I cried because I remember it all.  I cried because there are parts that I want to forget.  I cried because I wish it never happened.  I cried because other people are going through it today.  I cried because the whole darn thing is amazing and wonderful and totally overwhelming.  But most of all I cried because I am here to cry.  I am here to share my story in hopes of helping just one other person as they travel through their own fear and their own story.